Desperate Measures
by Kiraeon
Summary: Insomnia is common for most of the survivors of the fall of Garreg Mach. They all have trouble sleeping and take turns being a complete pain in the ass to one another until someone finally begs Manuela to drug them.


_Dedicated to __**Beane**__ on Twitter; they posted an excellent Felix/Dimitri fan art and it hit the writing inspiration button. Please check out their work here!_

_**Author's Note: **__This one-shot came to mind and leaves a bit of a bad taste in my mouth as a result of some of the things done here. Readers, do not do this shit to your friends or family. As the author, I understand what is being done is wrong and do not condone/approve of the actions taken. The characters are doing this and know it's wrong as well with a variety of feelings on it even if it's being played for laughs/done in a humorous light in this story._

Healthy coping mechanisms are few and far between in times of war.

Some, like Ignatz and Hilda, throw themselves into the arts and create something in a time of destruction and loss. Others, like himself, throw themselves all in when it comes to their training both physically and mentally. The Professor disappears into their room for hours on end and resurfaces every so often in the early morning or dusk hours to go fishing. Dedue, when he was around, was often in the kitchen or otherwise in the greenhouse fussing around with living or once-living things to create something useful for them all.

Felix would never admit it, but Dedue was the best cook out of the former students and most of the staff alike. Every time the damned man cooked, Felix would get seconds and claimed he wouldn't let food go to waste given the situation they were in.

Insomnia is common for most of the survivors of the fall of Garreg Mach. They all have trouble sleeping and take turns being a complete pain in the ass to one another until someone finally begs Manuela to drug them. It works, for a little while, and then the cycle repeats anew. Felix prides himself on being a little too paranoid to be caught off guard more than the three times he's been gotten- and he's pretty sure he knows who the culprit is. He's drugged them in retaliation even if he knows the good Professor doesn't usually _need_ help going to sleep.

It's the principle of the matter. The Professor is a member of the Blue Lions, after all, and the idiot needs their sleep undisturbed too. Plus, it's an extra challenge for _him_ given how on guard Byleth is most of the time. He gets a comment from the physician that he's rather similar to Claude from the Golden Deer in that regard. He tells Manuela to mind her damned business and storms off.

He could use someone like Claude there at the monastery; it was hard to find someone with common sense nowadays and it was annoying as hell to fill the role himself.

Lately, the popular coping mechanism for their respective traumas has been putting wagers on who's going to be the next one to beg Manuela to drug someone. It's a little more interesting and comes with a double prize; being right and carrying a bit of gold or some other thing in exchange. The rules are simple: who is going to be the one doing the begging, and who is the intended target for the sleep aid?

Felix has won roughly eighty-three percent of the bets they make in the last three or four months and they're getting a little tired of paying him. Sylvain's the biggest complainer followed by Lysithea and he tells them, essentially, to get good or die trying.

It sounds better when he says it in person.

His current bet is on Annette going to beg Manuela on behalf of Mercedes; the healer can't seem to keep her shit together and won't rest enough to recover. The dark circles under her eyes are telling and he's seen them red rimmed from crying on more than one occasion. A couple of the others are throwing in with him in hopes of sharing the pot- not a fucking chance, Felix has _plans_ for his earnings.- and it's an entertaining loss on his part when the day comes.

Felix is in the infirmary nursing a knot on his head the size of what he imagines Sylvain's brain resembles when the Professor shows up and asks, in their usual soft spoken manner, for a 'favor'. There's a bit of useless teasing from Manuela and suggestive language that makes him want to throw something at the former songstress before she begins making the damned thing. After a moment, Byleth explains who it's for and Felix about falls out of his bed in surprise.

It's for two of the Professor's students; Dimitri- he should have figured on that one- and himself.

Felix loudly states that his sleeping habits are quite fine, thank you _very_ much, and if the Professor is concerned about sleep quality, that they should perhaps put more competent people on guard duty so that he might relax.

It's immensely satisfying to see the look of surprise on Byleth's face- wide eyes and mouth slightly agape- as he folds his arms over his chest and stares them down. Of course, staring Byleth down doesn't quite work because the only ones he can think of who can win in a staring contest with the Professor is either Seteth or Flayn. Maybe Dedue if the over-sized idiot had managed to get himself out rather than sacrificing himself for a suicidal fool.

He tells Manuela to double the dose for Dimitri because the Boar Prince is twice the idiot and it'll take more than usual to sedate a wild animal like him. Manuela, as always, scolds him for speaking of his future king in such a way. Felix responds with something that gets Byleth's angry face turned in his direction and leaves with a caustic 'thanks' to the physician.

He knows how long it'll take before the medicine is ready and picks it up with an easy lie that the Professor is delayed and sent him ahead to help out. Felix also feeds a line of bullshit about having to compensate for what he said earlier, blah blah blah, and the older woman eats it up like any attention an attractive man gives her. The dining hall is easily gotten to and he avoids the Professor, smiling to himself, as he watches their back disappear at the entrance to the second floor. It's not often he can outfox their leader, but when he does? He takes the victory and he takes it in a way that's undeniable.

Other than being painfully stupid and suicidal, Dimitri is also predictable as all get out. He has literally no sense of taste and thus would suspect nothing until the drug took hold on his body and weakened him, so it's easy to slip it into the water-skin when he's busy pretending to ignore everyone. He's also used to Felix rudely bumping into him, berating him, and leaving so it's even easier to sneak something like that past him. He does so, waits for Dimitri to drink, shovel whatever mess is on his plate, and leave.

He tails him for a while until Dimitri stumbles with his hands against his head. Whatever Manuela puts into the concoction, it has a kick like a demented pegasus on the rampage and brings him to his knees, and then slumped over with a series of growled curses. He knows someone's drugged him _again_ by the sound of it. It's kind of funny to hear him curse now and make empty threats to thin air. But Felix is not a foolish man and waits a goodly stretch of time to ensure the dumb ass is asleep before he arranges the absurdly tall- and heavy- man in such a way he can load him on to his back and haul him out of the open.

Of course, Byleth finds him just as he's finished loading up the unconscious man and helpfully hefts him up higher on to his back. Dimitri's chin is resting against his collarbone and the dumb ass' face is lolling against his neck and ear. He can hear him breathing deeply and evenly for the first time in recent memory.

Felix would be lying if he said his face was red solely from the efforts of moving the sleeping dead.

He meets the Professor's gaze head on.

"Don't you _dare_ wake him up." Felix offers as a half-threat, half-sort of request.

Byleth smiles and nods, falling into step alongside to ensure Dimitri doesn't slide off and crack the stone with his head. Together, the two of them get Dimitri into his room for the first time in who the hell knew how long. Felix doesn't bother ordering Byleth out when it comes time to strip the man down to something more comfortable to wear, he figures growing up as a mercenary means they've seen it all. He's glad for the help though, the damned armor is heavy and the cloak even more so. Byleth keeps it folded against the chair until they get him into bed before settling the massive fur on top of the bed covers.

Neither of them remove the eye-patch, though Byleth looks tempted to do so for a moment. Felix can feel a twisting ache in his chest when the Professor looks down at Dimitri's sleeping form and anger follows close behind. The bastard boar continues to make them all suffer and he's had just about enough of seeing the same kind of sorrow on Byleth's face that was there when Jeralt was killed. He watches one pale hand reach out and smooth the blond hair out of his face. It's a small and intimate thing and he knows it's probably to reassure themselves that he's still here, among the living, and to ground themselves against the burden of seeing him like this.

Byleth did the same thing to him the last three times some sneaky son of a bitch slipped_ him_ the sleeping drought. He knows this because the dose wasn't quite enough and he woke up to find the Professor sitting at his bed side with the same look on their face. Felix will never tell anyone, but he's done the same thing to both of them when he's been on guard duty.

He pulls the chair over for Byleth and grabs a haphazardly thrown together stool for himself. Byleth's free hand finds itself resting against the inside of his elbow. Felix reaches over and puts his on top of their own.

They- Byleth and Dimitri especially- need to do better.


End file.
